16 January 2014

What I want from 2014


Hello again.

I did say I would blog more but we've had a bit of an upheaval and things are all a little bit up in the air. To cut a long story short, my lovely boyfriend has suddenly found himself jobless and we're both trying to figure out what's the best direction to go in. But that isn't for me to discuss here right now.

I wanted to come back and put in writing those successes I wanted to achieve for 2014. I'm determined not to consider these as resolutions. Resolutions just seem synonymous with failure. And I don't want to feel like I'm failing 2014 before it's even begun.

So what do I want to achieve?

Implementing lifestyle changes
Diet? No. Lifestyle changes? Yes. Recently I've fallen in love with Katie Lowe's blog, www.fatgirlphd.com. It's an amazing site which is full of brilliant advice and articles on health. In her own words, it's not just about weight loss. I do want to lose weight this year, like I've wanted to do every year but this year I plan to push myself. I'm not going on a crazy diet. I don't plan to spend every night in the gym. But I am planning on implementing lifestyle changes which will hopefully help me on my way to becoming a healthier me. The first of these has been to break my truly awful habit of not eating breakfast in the mornings. I've always said I'm not a breakfast person and the truth is, that's a load of nonsense. I was just being lazy. Imagine being too lazy to eat breakfast?! Well that was me. However I am now turning this around. I've eaten breakfast every morning for nearly two weeks. It is a small victory admittedly. But I am proud of myself considering I didn't use to bother. 
There's other lifestyle changes I want to implement, to cover them in brief:

- Drink more water
- Make my own lunches
- Try more healthy meals for dinner
- Be more active

None of these things are particularly radical but a combination of these implementations will hopefully result in a healthier me by the end of the year.

Fall back in love with my hobbies
I feel like I didn't do much in the way of indulging my own hobbies last year. 2012 was full of photography and I had endless rolls of film to be developed. In 2013 photography near enough stopped for me. And I honestly couldn't tell you why. I mean I haven't even photographed round my little flat and I've been living here for almost a year now! That's pure madness to me. So I want to pick up my cameras in 2014 and start snapping again. Several of my cameras have half finished rolls in them and there's a box of films still waiting to be developed. So the first thing to do is starting sending those films off to be developed and get those unfinished rolls finished. Then with a fresh roll of film I can get fall back in love with photography.

There's also the small matter of the shelf full of unread books. Reading has been my staple hobby since being a child. I was never seen without a book. I took something to read wherever I went and there isn't a family member alive who can't tell you about some family do or other where I brought a book. But there's been this steady decrease in my reading habits. So it's time to reverse that and finally clear this shelf of unread books. I'm not aiming for a particular number of books or target per week/month. Just to clear that shelf first would please me. So I'm back to carrying a book with me everywhere, using my 15 minute bus journeys for a quick read and tucking up with a book instead of my laptop at night. I've already finished a couple of books and I'm just starting on the Chaos Walking trilogy by Patrick Ness. I might even go back to book reviews eventually.

Not to mention blogging! Only very briefly like but I would like to fall back in regular blogging. Even if I don't gain any more readers this year. If I can maintain regular posting then I'll be happy.

Straighten up my finances
I have this lurking debt hiding in my purse. It's in the form of a student account with a rather silly overdraft. An overdraft which is almost fully drawn out. And I've been really rather slow to pay money back into the account to fill that overdraft back up. It's a constant worry but by the end of 2014 I plan to have paid that overdraft off and to change that account to a savings account. This isn't something I'm going to write a great deal about because I find talking about money incredibly personal. But I didn't want to leave it unsaid. This also means being wiser with my spending and keeping a closer eye on my outgoings and incomings.

Be more open
2013 left me feeling quite closed off from a lot of things. I think the combination of moving out on my own and losing a friend left me withdrawing from life a little. Depression comes so easily to me and feels like the more natural me. I do continually struggle to keep myself from sinking into the worst of my depression habits. But I want to put up a more active fight against my depression this year and I think the way to do that is by being more open. More open to new opportunities, new friends, old friends and more open to my boyfriend. That's nowt kinky, I just think I need to show more willing to do some of the things he wants to do. Though he does mostly want to listen to noise music. I think being more open will be all the more important when Andy and me finally move out into our own little place. I'm such a homebody that there's a high chance I'll just want to retreat into the world of our home and forget to bother going out for anything other than work. So being open and staying open will be of high priority this year. And hopefully that'll lead to a more exciting 2014.

Remember my family
Moving out and moving away from my family meant I became quite detached from them. I don't see enough of my parents and nephews anymore and this actually saddens me more than I let on. Admittedly my family drive me up the wall half the time but I do owe them a lot and I need to spend more time with them. So more evenings with my mum having tea and giggles, and more weekends with my old man and nephews. I do hope to spend more time with my older nephew in particular because he's in need of a good influence and I've always been that for him. But since moving out we don't spend as much time together and I think there's having an adverse effect on him. More time with my favourite little man will be a great benefit to us both I feel.

So that's it for me and my hopes for 2014. There are other things I have in mind but I think this post is long enough as it is. Writing some stuff out has felt pretty good and I hope that I can come back to this post at the end of 2014 to confirm that I achieved what I wanted. If I can then I'll consider 2014 a success.

4 January 2014

An unexpected return

2013 kind of ran right past me. It was a funny year to say the least.

I'm back now though. I'm ready to get back into where I was and hopefully build on that. There's been some change here on the blog, a new name and a new layout. It felt right to do that. 

The beginning of a new year does bring a renewed sense of hope. It feels like I'm open to getting back on track. 2014 feels like a gift, a huge opportunity, a year for change.

Of course I could just be being swept up in the romance of these precious first days of a new year and everything could come crashing back down around me by February. But let's hope not.

I'm not setting resolutions for this year. I'm just planning to achieve. I want to look back at the end of the year and be able to count off all the successes I've had.

You see 2013 didn't feel very successful. Don't get me wrong, there's been some big changes. I moved into my own little flat and away from a toxic relationship with my brother. Cutting him out of my life has been a big thing for me, a good thing. I successfully became a permanent employee at my job and have been working hard ever since which has led to other elements of my life being put to one side. My relationship is now a wonderful 18 months old and I'm thankful every day for my lovely boyfriend. And I finally fulfilled a desire I've had since I was a young teenager and began what I suspect will be an ongoing addiction to tattoos, getting the first two of many planned designs.

But 2013 brought loss as well. A brilliant friend suddenly passed away in April and the loss has been a deep blow. Others close to me have also said goodbye to family and friends as well and it's felt like 2013 has been blanketed with unexpected and tragic death. Not to bring things down but it's all played on my mind.

It's not only losing loved ones that's affected me. I've felt this creeping sense of losing myself as well in 2013. For a while I was convinced that I had a good solid grasp on my depression but there have been some low points that I've really struggled with. Times when I just wanted to disappear.

2014 though. 2014 feels different. It feels exciting. It feels like there's lots to be done and lots of experiences to be had this year. I feel positive in a way that I haven't felt in quite a long time.

I'm positively excited for 2014.

So forgive me for the prolonged absence and hopefully join me in embracing this new year ahead.